I hate my ex
September 8th, 2008
Yea, as the site title suggests my ex sucks. She sucked when we were together, but now she sucks even more. That’s a long story though, I’ll share all the juicy details later. Anyway, I’m back into dating action, trying online dating and actually having some great success with it. Meeting ton of great ladies, having great time, beats staying with my ex. I’ll tell you guys about all my great dates later on
Dating after divorce can be extremely difficult...I would know because I've been there fellas.
I was married for 5 years and only 2 of those years were "good" years. The marriage was slowly crumbling and I knew it was only a matter of time before it fell apart yet because of my Christian faith (at the time) I hung in there. I was very inexperienced and naive about life and especially relationships. I didn't have the luxury of one of my parents or an adult figure really sitting me down and teaching me about the "birds and the bees" lol, you know what I mean. Needless to say our marriage finally crumbled...I found out she was cheating for awhile. Not just one person...but multiple. Now, I don't say this to put her on "blast", lol...not at all. I honestly, believe that in a marriage both people are to blame for the break up and let me tell you...I was not innocent. I didn't cheat but I wasn't innocent by any stretch. I really believe that the sign of true maturity is when you can truly say with conviction "I forgive her". And not just say that you forgive him/her but to really understand why you do. Dating after divorce 101. If you are still doing things to consciously hurt your former spouse...you ain't ready! real talk and that's fine. You'll get there.
dating after divorce Most divorced people take that same pain and humiliation from their previous marriage and take that right into their next relationship and it's so not fair to that person their currently dating.
First off I want to say this...IT'S OKAY TO BE ALONE!!!!! I'm emphasizing this because I think most people are terrified of being "alone". So terrified that the run to another relationship without fully being healed of their last relationship. A huge dating after divorce don't. I honestly suggest not to do any serious dating for awhile fellas. "It's never smart to make a decision when your emotional". And trust me...after a divorce, more than likely you'll be highly emotional
I firmly believe that ALL things happen for a reason and there's something that God (or if you want to call it the Universe...it really doesn't matter to me) is trying to reveal to us in every challenging situation. For me...God/Universe, was trying to reveal to me that I was way too judgemental and had a lot of maturing to do. It was tough to sit there and be very honest with myself and except the truth...however, in order to grow no one said it'd be an easy process. The issue is that most ppl never look at themselves and are always blaming their former spouse. If you meet a chick and she bad-mouths her ex-husband...run! lol, seriously.
Here are two questions to ask any chick your dating to indicate (in my humble opinion) how relationship "healthy" she is: (this could apply for guys too)
Ask her to talk about...
1.The person that hurt her the most in her life
Now if she talks negatively about these 2 people (they could also be the same person) that is a HUGE indicator that they are not "over" it and consequently not "healthy" enough to be in a relationship. I know we ALL have "baggage"...but there are some people who have trash cans FULL of "baggage" and in my humble opinion it is wise to avoid them at all times (especially dating after divorce). If she hates that person that much more than likely you could be next and trust issues can weigh heavily on your relationship.
With a divorced person...especially one who has been cheated on the woman dating him must be extremely sensitive to his mental state and if she loves him must be willing to go a "little extra" to prove her love. Also...that man must also put himself out there. Yes, fellas...you may get hurt again but if you learn from your past and work on not making the same mistakes twice you will lower the percentage of this happening. Just don't rush into anything serious...until you can honestly say that you are "ready". Only you would know that truthfully.
One of the main things to do before you go out dating after divorce is to make a list of your wants & your needs in a woman. Make a list of at least 4-5 needs...take your time when making this list. Once you make it...this will save you from wasting your time with women that you know wont satisfy you. You have learned from your mistakes and lightning will not strike twice.
Some people say that it takes 24 months for a guy to finally be ready to date after a divorce. In my case...that seems to be true, lol. I know that I'm currently not ready...it's been almost 2 years. But, I've def enjoyed my year long "player" stage, haha...good times. I hadn't been called an "a**hole" as many times in my life as I did last year, lol. True story fellas and to be honest I've hurt a few chicks along the way (unknowingly of course)...but that's a different story. I'll talk more about that later.
"Sleeping with plenty of chicks was a shallow experience...but it's one of the best shallow experiences I've ever experienced"
On a serious note though...no one can tell you when you're ready to date and ultimately love again. You have to be honest with yourself and resist the urge to settle and except a lady that doesn't have your core needs. Remember wants and needs are 2 completely different things fellas! For instance, one of my needs are: to have someone who is not religious but spiritual. Very important to me...very. That is something I know I need in a mate. Check out this great site with tons more info on dating after divorce. Check out this site with more info on dating after divorce.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed our dating after divorce section. Make sure to peruse the rest of the site for other dating tips and most importantly be good to yourself and to the ones you love.